Humor in the Dark - Sunrise Humor

One morning a man got up early to watch the sun rise.
As he sat in the dark it suddenly dawned on him...


Live Joyfully,

Donna Marie Laino

Humor With Venus and Mars - A Closer Look At The Sexes

A woman asks her husband, 'Would you like some bacon
and eggs? A slice of toast and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?'


He declines. 'Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra,' he says. 'It's really taken the edge off my appetite.'

At lunchtime she asked if he would like something.
'A bowl of soup, home-made muffins, or a cheese sandwich?'

He declines. 'The Viagra,' he says, 'really trashes my desire for food.'

Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to
eat. 'Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?'

He declines again. 'No,' he says, 'It's got to be the Viagra...I'm still not hungry'.

'Well,' she says, 'Would you mind letting me up? I'm starving.'



Make it a joy-filled day,

Donna Marie Laino

April Fool's Day Humor: Liberty Bell Hoax

On April 1, 1996 a full page ad appeared in six major American newspapers (The Philadelphia Inquirer, New York Times, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, Dallas Morning News, and USA Today) announcing that the fast food chain Taco Bell had purchased the Liberty Bell. The full text of the ad read:


Taco Bell Buys The Liberty Bell

In an effort to help the national debt, Taco Bell is pleased to announce that we have agreed to purchase the Liberty Bell, one of our country’s most historic treasures.

It will now be called the ”Taco Liberty Bell” and will still be accessible to the American public for viewing. While some may find this controversial, we hope our move will prompt other corporations to take similar action to do their part to reduce the country’s debt.

In a separate press release, Taco Bell explained that the Liberty Bell would divide its time between Philadelphia and the Taco Bell headquarters in Irvine. It compared the purchase to the adoption of highways by corporations.

Taco Bell argued that it was simply “going one step further by purchasing one of the country’s greatest historic treasures.”

The company boasted, “Taco Bell’s heritage and imagery have revolved around the symbolism of the bell. Now we’ve got the crown jewel of bells.”

Origin: Museum of Hoaxes


Happy April Fool's Day!

Donna Marie Laino
Philadelphia, PA

PS The Liberty Bell is safe and sound here in Philadelphia! Keep Smiling!

Humor With Victoria's Secret

THE NEGLIGEE

A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price.

Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs,put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no dummy), "I have an idea".

"It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll
do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for
myself."

She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, "Good Grief!"

"You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!"

He never heard the shot.

Funeral on Thursday at Noon.
Closed coffin.


Live Joyfully,

Donna Marie Laino

Humor in the Air: Airport Pilot Breaks Silence With Humor

While taxiing at London's, Heathrow Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:

"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?
I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway!
You turned right on Delta! Stop right there.
I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:

"God! Now you've screwed everything up!
It'll take forever to sort this out!
You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to!

You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you!
You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking:

"Wasn't I married to you once?



Make today joyful,

Donna Marie Laino

Irish Humor

Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas, Patrick developed cancer, and was dying. While on his deathbed, Patrick called to his buddy, Shawn, "O'Brian, come 'ere. I 'ave a request for ye." Shawn walked to his friend's bedside and kneels.

"Shawny ole boy, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm leaving 'ere. I 'ave one last request fir ye to do."

O'Brian burst into tears, "Anything Patrick, anything ye wish. It's done."

"Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity."

O'Brian was overcome by the beauty and in the true Irish spirit of his friend's request, he asked, "Aye, tis a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey. But, might I strain it through me kidneys first?"

Humor Joke of the Day: Aging

Joke of the day:

One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob:

'If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts.'



It is good to laugh at ourselves!

Have a jolly day.

Donna Marie Laino