Humor With Dogs: If Your Talk Could Talk This Would Be What Humorous Things They Would Say

Ten Peeves that Dogs Have About Humans


1) Blaming your farts on me.....not funny... not funny at all !!!

2)Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG

3)Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

4)Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose. Stop it!


5)Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.

6)The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.


7)Taking me to the vet for 'the big snip', then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!

8)Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9)Dog sweaters. Hello ??? Haven't you noticed the fur?

10)How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth. You're just jealous.


Be kind to your pet. Give your dog a hug today.

Laugh lots too!
Donna Marie Laino

Humor The Animal Lover: Cats and Canine Humor

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king- sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's rear end. I cannot stress this enough!



To pacify you, my dear pet/s, I have posted the following message on our front door:


To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.


Remember: Dogs and Cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train (except Terriers and ShihTzu)
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children!!!



Have a joy-filled day,

Donna Marie Laino

Picking a pet: Why dogs are better than cats for pets

Picking a Pet? Choose wisely!



If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports section…then buy a dog.


If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over the joy of seeing you….then buy a dog.


If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never says it's not quite as good as his mother made it ... then buy a dog.


If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want... then buy a dog.


If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies….then buy a dog.



If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores ..... then buy a dog.


If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually…then buy a dog.



But, on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness…then buy a cat!


To your health!

Donna Marie Laino

Dogs talking to God: If Dogs Could Talk, What Would They Say?

TO: GOD
FROM: THE DOG

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are t here mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.

1 . I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table .
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my bottom.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?