Burglar Hearing Voices

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'

Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'



Be Joyful and smile today!

Donna Marie Laino

Middle Age -Inevitable!

Happy Old Lady Weds

The local news station was interviewing an 80 year old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.

"He's a funeral director", she answered.

"Interesting", the newsman thought...He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

"I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go".


Be Joyful!

Donna Marie Laino

Humor: Dental Month Humor

Humor: Irish Priest in Ireland

AN IRISH PRIEST

An Irish priest was transferred to Texas ..

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a
fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked
to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the
beautiful day outside.

He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle
of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station......

The conversation went like this:

''Good morning This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?''

''And the best of the day to yerself.. This is Father O'Malley at
St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead on me
front lawn "

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied
with a smirk, ''Well now Father, it was always my impression that
you people took care of the last rites!''

There was dead silence on the line for a moment........................

Then Father O'Malley replied: "Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are
also obliged to notify the next of kin.''



Enjoy today and laugh a little!

Donna Marie Laino, RN

Humor - Halloween Joke

Halloween Joke:

An old man is walking home alone late one foggy night... when behind him he hears:Bump....BUMP...BUMP....Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his... home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him...FASTER...FASTER...BUMP...BUMP... BUMP...He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clappingclappity-BUMP...clappity-BUMP...clappity-BUMP...clappity-BUMP...clappity-BUMP...on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is
pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.


Bumping and clapping toward him.The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...and,

The coffin stops.



Happy Halloween,

Donna Marie Laino, RN

Humor - Lipstick Lessons

Lipstick Lesson

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.

That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally, the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. There are teachers ... and then there are educators.



Keep laughing!

Donna Marie Laino, RN