Humor - Halloween Joke

Halloween Joke:

An old man is walking home alone late one foggy night... when behind him he hears:Bump....BUMP...BUMP....Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his... home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him...FASTER...FASTER...BUMP...BUMP... BUMP...He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clappingclappity-BUMP...clappity-BUMP...clappity-BUMP...clappity-BUMP...clappity-BUMP...on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is
pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.


Bumping and clapping toward him.The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...and,

The coffin stops.



Happy Halloween,

Donna Marie Laino, RN

Holiday Humor: Merger of Christmas and Hanukkah

Merger of Christmas and Hanukkah

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years.

While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is being called.

Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming
unintelligible to a wider audience.

Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreydl will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff happens." In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts.

One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.

A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well. He merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Chanukah might indeed be seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful."


Wishing you the best this holiday season. May you all bring laughter and mirth into your homes and hearts.

Donna Marie Laino

Zoo Humor - Mimes Behind Bars at the Zoo

A Mime in a Zoo


One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.

So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.

At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction. Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion he slips and falls. The mime is terrified.

The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help, Help me!", but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?"

Humor Quote on Laughter by Woody Allen

"I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose."

Woody Allen



Got milk?

Here's lookin' at you!

Keep laughing,

Donna Marie Laino

Laughter Quote: Blessings and Laughter

"The person who can bring the spirit of Laughter
into a room is indeed blessed" by Bennet Cerf



Create and share your blessings for all today,

Donna Marie Laino

Laughter Quote Of The Day

"Pain is deeper than all thought; Laughter is higher than all pain."
- Elbert Hubbart


Experience the highest truth...laughter over pain.

Donna Marie Laino

Laughter And The Divine: What Happens To Laugher Over The Year As We Grow

"Laughter is one of the most divine experiences,
but very few people really laugh.
Their laughter is shallow.
Either it is just intellectual or just a facade or just a formality or just a mannerism,
but it is never total.

If a person can laugh totally, wholeheartedly,
not holding anything back at all,
in that very moment, something tremendous can happen -
because laughter, when it is total,
is absolutely egoless
and that is the only condition
in which to know god, to be egoless.

There are many ways to be egoless
but laughter is the most beautiful way.
Laughter needs no talent.
In fact children laugh more beautifully more totally.
As they grow up, their laughter becomes shallow;
they start holding back,
they start thinking whether to laugh or not to laugh,
or whether it is right in this situation to laugh.

Learn the laughter of small children again
laugh consciously and totally -
and not only at others, at yourself too.
One should never miss an opportunity to laugh.
Laughter is prayer. "

from OSHO




Create laughter in your life,

Donna Marie Laino

Funny Stories of Child Rearing: How Three Year Olds Can Turn Tacos into Humor

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? This mother's story has a truth that many of us mom's can relate to (and dads!).



My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.

One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month- old daughter, and she was clean.

Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said, "No."

I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."

Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"

"No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.

Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled.

"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.

An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!



Keep Laughing!

Donna Marie Laino

Funny Baby Boomer Songs: Humor in the Baby Boomer Years

Herman's Hermits--- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker.

Ringo Starr--- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.

The Bee Gees--- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip.

Bobby Darin--- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.

Roberta Flack--- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.

Johnny Nash--- I Can't See Clearly Now.

Paul Simon--- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver

The Commodores--- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.

Marvin Gaye--- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.

Procol Harem--- A Whiter Shade of Hair.

Leo Sayer--- You Make Me Feel Like Napping.

The Temptations--- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.

Abba--- Denture Queen.

Tony Orlando--- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.

Helen Reddy--- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.

Leslie Gore--- It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To.

To your health! Keep Laughing!

Donna Marie Laino

Easter Chuckles

Tips from the Easter Bunny

1. Don't put all your eggs in one basket


2. There's no such thing as too much candy


3. Some body parts should be floppy


4. An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare


5. The grass is always greener in someone else's basket


6. Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits

Are you using your smile muscles today?

Most people think we smile with our mouths. We actually smile with our cheeks! The smile muscles attach to the area at the corners of our mouths. When we contract the cheek muscles our mouths go along for the ride! Start your day with some ha ha's and use your smile muscles!

Here are some quips from Groucho Marx to start your day:

"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."

"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy."

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."

"I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home."

"From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it."

"Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped."

"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others."

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it is too dark to read."

To your health!

Donna Marie