Humor-Redneck Church Humor

You Know You're in a Redneck Church -



if ...

1. The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the Purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

2. People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

3. When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.

4. Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

5. A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of" (Love it!)

6. The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

7. In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

8. People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

9. The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized " Wheeling " washtub.

10. The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

11. The collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy.

12. Instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call.

13. The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

14. The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".

15. "Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too.

16. The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya hear".




Live Joyfully,

Donna Marie Laino, RN

Humor - Las Vegas Church Humor

Las Vegas Churches Accepts gambling
Chips


This may come as a surprise.

To those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches than casinos.

Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the Offerings..

The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.


This is done by the chip monks.



Be Joyful today!

Donna Marie Laino, RN

Humor In Church

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer
of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names with
small American flags mounted on either side of it.

The seven year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly:

'Good morning Alex'.

'Good morning Pastor,' he replied, still focused on the plaque. 'Pastor, what is this?' - he asked.

The pastor said: - 'Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.'

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.


Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear, asked:

'Which service, the 9:30 or 11:00?



Live Joyfully!

Donna Marie Laino, RN

Humor in Church: Kids Humorous Look At Church

KIDS IN CHURCH


3-year-old Reese:
"Our Father, Who does art in heaven,
Harold is His name.

Amen."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy was overheard praying:
"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One particular four-year-old prayed,"And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.

Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand.

"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.

"He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied.

The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"

"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.

"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"




Smile and spread joy today!

Donna Marie Laino