Humor- Men Are Happier People

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:


Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures?

*Your last name stays put.
*The garage is all yours.
*Wedding plans take care of themselves.
*Chocolate is just another snack.
*You can be President.
*You can never be pregnant.

*You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
*You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
*Car mechanics tell you the truth.
*The world is your urinal.
*You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

*You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt..
*Same work, more pay.
*Wrinkles add character.
*Wedding dress $5000.
*Tux rental-$100.
*People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
*New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
*One mood all the time.

*Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
*A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
*You can open all your own jars.
*You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
*If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

*Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
*Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
*You almost never have strap problems in public.
*You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
*Everything on your face stays its original color.
*The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

*You only have to shave your face and neck.
*You can play with toys all your life.
*One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
*You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
*You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
*You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.


Enjoy your life today!

Donna Marie Laino, RN

Humor - Men Beware of Women's Savvy

APARTMENT FOR RENT


A businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend the night with her for $500.

So he does. Before he leaves, he tells her that he does not have any cash with him, but he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT." But on the way to the office he regrets what he has done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he has his secretary send a check for $250 and encloses the following typed note:


Dear Madam:

Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that

1) It had never been occupied
2) That there was plenty of heat
3) That it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.

However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.


Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note:


Dear Sir,

First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please don't blame the landlady. Send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady.



Laugh Out Loud Today!

Donna Marie Laino, RN

Humor - Men's Humorous Life

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE


NICKNAMES

* If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
* If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.


EATING OUT

* When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
* When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


MONEY

* A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
* A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.


BATHROOMS

* A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
* The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.


ARGUMENTS

* A woman has the last word in any argument.
* Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.



FUTURE

* A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
* A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


SUCCESS

* A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
* A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


MARRIAGE

* A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
* A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.


DRESSING UP

* A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
* A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


NATURAL

* Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
* Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


OFFSPRING

* Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
* A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!



Laugh when no one is looking today...then keep laughing!

Donna Marie Laino,RN

Humor - How Men Giving Advice Can Be Humorous

Why Men Do Not Write Advice Columns

Dear Ted,

I hope you can help me here.

The other day I set off for work leaving my
husband in the house watching the TV as usual.
I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road
when my engine conked out and the car shuddered
to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's
help.

When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He
was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady making
mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband
is 34 and we have been married for twelve years.

When I confronted him, he tried to make out that
he went into the backyard and heard a lady scream,
had come to her rescue but found her unconscious.
He'd carried the woman back to our house, laid
her in bed, and began CPR. When she awoke she
immediately began thanking him and kissing him and
he was attempting to break free when I came back.

But when I asked him why neither of them had any
clothes on, he broke down and admitted that he'd
been having an affair for the past six months.

I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let
go from his job six months ago and he says he has been
feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love
him very much,but ever since I gave him the ultimatum
he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can
get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely, Susie


Dear Susie,

A car stalling after being driven a short distance
can be caused by a variety of faults.

Start by checking that there is no debris in the
fuel line. If it is clear, check the clips holding
the vacuum lines onto the inlet manifold for
air leaks. If none of these approaches solves the
problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is
faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the
carburetor float chamber.

I hope this helps. Ted


Keeping Laughing!

Donna Marie Laino, RN