Humor With The Sexes - Male and Female Humor

Male or Female?


You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:

FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again.

They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.

TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated

HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.

SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES:
Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.


A smile can make your day and someone elses. Keep smiling!

Donna Marie Laino

Humor in Old Age: Marriage Humor

The sharing of marriage...

The old man placed order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.

Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they w ere ju st fine - they were used to sha ring everything.

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'

She answered

'THE TEETH.'



Keep a amile on your face,

Donna Marie Laino

Humor With Dogs: If Your Talk Could Talk This Would Be What Humorous Things They Would Say

Ten Peeves that Dogs Have About Humans


1) Blaming your farts on me.....not funny... not funny at all !!!

2)Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG

3)Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

4)Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose. Stop it!


5)Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.

6)The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.


7)Taking me to the vet for 'the big snip', then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!

8)Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9)Dog sweaters. Hello ??? Haven't you noticed the fur?

10)How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth. You're just jealous.


Be kind to your pet. Give your dog a hug today.

Laugh lots too!
Donna Marie Laino

Humor Among the Sexes: Men Understanding Women

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)


I know I'm not going to understand women.

I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,

Pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,

And still be afraid of a spider.




To your Health,

Donna Marie Laino

Humor With Aging: Perks of Being 50- What's So Funny?

PERKS OF BEING OVER 50

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

4. People call at 9 PM and ask, Did I wake you????

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat supper at 4 PM .

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along w ith elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather
service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember
them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.


Healing is when we can laugh at ourselves!

Donna Marie Laino